Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Sarah and Men: A Story in Two Parts (with Glossary)

Part I.

At one point last year, Reija turned to me and said, "Sarah, I've been trying to picture all of the men that I know you think are attractive to see if I can find what they have in common."

"Oh?" I said.

"Yes," she said. "And the only thing I've come up with is that none of them have great hair."

Note: My apologies to those of you male readers who might think I find you attractive.

Part II.

This last Sunday was my second Sunday in my new ward. Because I've been busy with my move-in-to-do list--namely, painting my room and setting up my bed so I can stop croaching on Jeanette and Erika and the couch, and sleep in my own bed, which I finally did last night (wahoo!)--I haven't been thinking much about the fact that a new city will also mean new boys to meet. And date. If all goes well. But the thought started coming to me this Sunday as we were walking into church, so as the services started, I looked around to check out the situation. A quick survey of the men in my ward and the thought, These boys look nice, but there aren't any yet that I feel like really could be, you know, for me. At first look. I figured I'd have to wait to get to know people or know more people or let life unfold or whatever, but that's what I was thinking. Until the second speaker.

He stood up. He started telling his leaving-Provo-and-coming-to-DC story in this way that was funny and charming and tender. He spoke heartfully of his testimony of repentance and of the Savior. He was bald. And I thought, "Oh good, there's at least one guy in this ward who looks like he could be my style."

He was the high council speaker.

The end.

Note: To my credit, he was youngish (in his early thirties? nothing the Stanford Second Ward hasn't seen), and he isn't married. He wasn't wearing a ring, he didn't mention a spouse or children, and then we checked him out on the stake website afterwards. No woman with the same last name at his address. In fact, he lives near me in a townhouse with some single guys. But still. STILL. Still.

But who's surprised?

A Glossary for the Mormoncentric Terms Used Above:

  • Ward: An LDS church congregation.
  • Stanford Second Ward: One congregation of young single adults between the ages of 26 and (heh hem) 35 (or older) in northern California. I was a member of this ward for about a year and a half.
  • High Council: A group of men selected from a number of wards in a given geographic area (we call it a "stake"), who are chosen for their spiritual maturity (ish). They are typically middle-aged or older. And are almost always married; though, it turns out, they don't have to be.
  • High Council Speaker: One Sunday a month, each ward in a stake is visited by a high councilman from (often one from another ward in that same stake) who gives one of the talks during services. High councilmen, being middle-aged or older, are known for being long-winded and dry. Not the kind of speakers that usually prompt crushes by girls in the visited congregations.
  • Reija: Pronounced RAY-uh. A newly former roommate of mine, with whom I lived for two years at Melville, an Edenic sort of mansion-cottage in the un-self-sustainably affluent and idyllic town of Palo Alto. She is seerlike and observant. Like an eagle prophet.

I just saw Charlotte Gray with Billy Crudup and thought he was ridiculously good-looking. And he has great hair. Ish. Right?
(He's the one on the right. The one who doesn't look like a high councilman.)


Ashlee and Bill said...

Very funny, I love reading the way you write/think. It's great. And who cares about age? Could be worse... My aunt married a single HC (he'd never been married and was in his 40's) an amazing man!

Monica Merced Rich said...

Oh, Sarah. That was really funny.

You totally need to go for the high councilman. Think of it this way -- you probably won't have a lot of competition from fellow ward members. :)

Anna Lewis said...

HA! Sarah, this is an awesome story--not just the story but your presentation. The glossary even cracked me up. Let's be friends.

Also, I hate leaving comments because of the word verification requirement. I am always worried I will mess up. And to be honest, I sometimes do. (Also, why do they call it word verification? They are never words...unless I always read them wrong.)

So my point is, this entry was great enough not only to be worthy of a comment (which you entries usually are) but to drag one out of even me, the fearful commenter.

Anna Lewis said...

I am not joking: ! had to do the word verification thing three times for that last comment. WTH?

Christina and Ryan said...

So if you two start dating, at what point in your relationship will you show him this blog post?

Also, I think that a lot of people who are LDS do not have thick hair (am I the only person who has noticed this? Moving from NY to UT has made that very clear to me). For guys, once their mid-20s come around a significant portion don't have "good hair" anymore, and that percentage only increases with every additional year. I think that gene comes from your mother's father so it looks like your kids are in luck!

Headle said...

You are simply adorable. That's all there is to it. Just choose a guy to bestow your amazing graces on, and he'll be head-over-heels in love, fast.

If that HC was lucky enough to have a "surprise" visit involving cookies and Sarah, he might just die of happiness.

jeff said...

1.These entries make me hungry
2.I'm sure you trust this Rey-uh newly former roommate, but this does not excuse the fact that her point of observation is extremely limited, her claim is biased and in this story, entirely unchecked and most likely completely false.